Superhero Fitness Tips That Don't Work!

Just for fun I thought of all the ways I've tried to be more like a superhero.

1. Tried gamma radiation like the Incredible Hulk. Got the green glow like I'd been exposed to too much Kryptonite, but after several weeks my bench press refused to increase. Lost a couple of teeth that week for some reason.

2. A radioactive spider bite failed as well. Had to go to the doctor for the bite and didn't gain anything but a strange look from my doctor. Plus, do you know how hard it is to get a radioactive spider to stay alive long enough to bite you? How did Spider-man do it?

3. Still trying to go the billionaire playboy route so I can afford various fight training from around the world, and all those wonderful toys superhero rich guys like Bruce Wayne can afford, but still poorer than Job's turkey at this point.

4. Would like to try being rocketed from the planet Krypton, but I hear it's already exploded.

5. My wife refuses to let me travel to Paradise Island to learn Wonder Woman's secret.

6. Tried getting my hands on a super soldier serum, but the Pentagon frowned on that.

7. Tried rocketing into space with less than stellar shields in hopes of hitting a cosmic ray storm, but again the money got in the way. My home made rocketship blew up before I made it over the trees. That one cost me 2 weeks at the hospital.

So far I've managed to accumulate more doctor bills than Tim "The Tool Man Taylor on Home Improvement, but still no super powers.

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